Where do I start. the last place I was living was a temporary arrangement. I loved the accommodation, as it was a condominium, however again it was temporary. I knew I wanted something more tailored to my needs and desires, but I wasnt sure what and I wasnt sure when or how to get it. I knew I needed time to get clear.
For the past year I sought that clarity.
For 1 whole year, I thought about doing many things, but when it came to the actual doing….I lacked action and enthusiasm and creativity. I knew there was a problem, so I began to seek a solution for my lack of action. …Then I realized what the problem really was…..I was trying so hard to be somebody I wasnt, and I was trying to fit into the neat little box that others created for me. Could you imagine I was doing this for a whole year and didn’t even know it. Now that I know it I am vex!!!
- The “Caucasian” box
- The “I am not skinny enough” box
- The “My hair is too nappy box”
- The “I am not worthy” box
- The “I am not smart enough” box
Accepting the brain wash
For a whole year….I was accepting the brain wash and didn’t even know it. I was paying a very big price and felt like a piece of dirt. The price I paid was my own inner peace and happiness. I have my own authentic life….it is based on me and all my unique qualities as a black woman. Fuck it. I have decided that if people want to call me an “angry black woman” I am going to wear that badge with honour and be productive. I am here for a very specific purpose. I am blessed to know what that is.
I know a couple of things many people do not…It has altered the way I look at life. If I may take this opportunity to share something very important with you…Jah is seeing every thing you are doing. From the big to the very small, from the dirty filthy to the….well you get it…..
I love my people (Jamaican people)
I love my people….they are so beautiful. Its time for them to know the truth. Its time for the whole world to know the truth. “Anger is useless, unless you use it for something constuructive.” Wow I just made that up. I am going to use my anger to propel me into doing what I am suppose to….
I have gotten my enthusiasm back, I have total and complete clarity, I know exactly what I should be doing every day……Phew. I waited for a long time to feel this. I guess you could say I was in a state of confusion. I was feeling such confusion…now I am clear. Thanks and praises unto Jah the Almighty for the clarity…
- I know in all that I do I must serve my community
- I know in all that I do I must create
- I know in all that I do I must honour Rastafari
- I know in all that I do I must seek to improve things for my people
I cannot pretend to be somebody else….that is a sure road to unhappiness…and misery. I am sorry Jah Jah. But you guided me out…You guided me in. Now I am where I am supposed to be. Give thanks and praises unto The Most High Jah Rastafari.
Some cool things coming to this blog…Starting with hand beaded Rastafari Necklaces for men and women. (photos soon to come)
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