I had to write this. For those who are puzzled by this….this blog was originally a diary of mijne. I have been playing this video alot because there is a Rastaman in it who does not twist in his dreadlocks and it makes me feel like I am looking at home…and ok ….it turns me on…lol…not his hair but his beard. Who cares. There are some days I feel sad…cause trying to live your life Rastafari after living as a regular person for 32 years is not easy. I am making new friends, learning what they like what they dont like. Learning new lingo, how to say it properly. Like my ex boyfriend wanted me to stop saying God. And rightfully so! Now I say Jah. I can only include the link sorry…http://youtu.be/TfyvSM-6c14
My Jamaican guy made me mad…and sad…
Any way….I am giving my life an over haul and this has not been an easy road. The silver lining in All of this is my book “how to become a Rasta”…which will be printed (I have decided) by the end of september. First I have to create “the proof” and look it over, then the real thing. I know that will make me feel better amongst the sadness. Just last night was a ruff night for me. You know those nights when you just pick everything apart and then place them under a negative light…yeah thats what I was doing. Ok the truth is alot of why I am sad has to do with my Jamaican man. But I give up, I cant be bothered too much work.
Im gonna called god….
I was talking to my friend on the phone two nights ago. We were talking about how when you give up on something thats when it goes through for you. I am finished the victim phase of my life, and entering the I am responsible for me phase. Back to my phone conversation with my friend. I told him the next guy that approaches me Im just gonna interrupt hm mid sentence and tell him “I dont have a vagina, so maybe you should talk to somebody else” Just to make him not talk to me. Oh boy, we got a good laugh out of that. I also told him about a thgouht I had earlier that day. A joke I made with my self “Im gonna call God and tell him to take his Vagina back cause I am not using it…..!” You know sort of like how you call the phone company and return the cable box. I dont know what I am writing. Thats it by for now.
I just want my heart to be happy…
All I want is to find my other half. I dont believe Jah the Almighty creator made me to be by my self, but to be a Rasta woman and find a True born Rasta man in western society is not easy. I want a man that is the height and cuteness of Dennis brown….lol with the patience and under standing of Jah. Is that too much to ask for? I guess it is. I want to move to Jamaican because I know everything that is making me sad here will no longer be an issue there. But no bodys life is issue free, Im sure once I move to Jamaica there iwll be something else to deal with. So, really I am just exchanging one set of problems for another. Oh jah guide and protect us. Ok so maybe its not like that. My heart will finally have the happiness it deserves in Jamaica. I have to experience to know….or die from the inside out …here in Canada. *sigh*
Can I give Rastafari back….?
I cant give Rastafari back, it is for life….so what should I do….so many aspects of it cannot be replaced by any amount of money. But to be a rasta woman is not easy…there arnt many like me…I should be honored right. Maybe I am getting up too close with a magnifiying glass. I just always think my life would be better in jamaica. I could be so wrong. Just imagine….
- I could meet and talk to another Rastafari person every day!
- I would hear reggae music played by other people not only me
- I could make friend with other Rasta women
- I could have 3 rasta boyfreinds. (my christian Nigeran friend is totally against this)
- I could eat Jamaican food every day….
- I could visit the beach 2 times a week if I want….
- I could learn to speak patois…
- I could dance outside on the beach while dancing to roots and culture music….
I really am whining arnet I? I should jsut move to jamaica already, or at least try it out for 3 weeks or so…see if I like it… see how the people respond to the western girl with dreadlocks….lol…they can smell that I am not from there….lol If i move to Jamaica…I will fall in love and never come back here. Why would any body want to be here. Oh yes that thing called money!!!!! duhhhh thats why….which reminds me…guys my rasta jewelry will be coming soon and you can actually purchase it on my other blog….any way…..life….full of ups and downs….lessons and ease. I learn that in astrology. Well, while I was studying astrology. Maybe my life is hard because I am soppose to make a change, like a move, like to Jamaica. hmm…that will make sense to those it makes sense to…whatever im done whining…