Its been a long time since I did one of these but I feel it is the best thing right now. I am suppose to be going to Jamaica by the end of the year. I feel I am not financially prepared. But Jah asked me to do this about 3 years about, just fresh after I started growing my dreadlocks. Could you imagine telling the Almighty that you are not ready? Well…that is exactly what I did. I have not stopped paying through the nose for this decision. I now know my happiness and financial situation today would have been dramatically different had I taken his advice.
I am feeling somewhat confused right now…about many things. The only thing I know for sure is that I do want to keep on writing e-books. I will be honest. My heart has been broken by a Jamaican man lately without explanation. There was no intimate action, so I guess that makes it a bit better, but still it hurts. One good thing is it has inspired me to write a new book. I’m still scared to go to Jamaica, and having a broken heart is not helping, but some where deep down inside of me, I know that with what I intend to do, it’s better I do it without him. I feel like my mind will be more focused now on my business instead of him. I swear some women just give too much to their men, I am definitely one of them.
Advice from Spiritual Friend
So, I have a very spiritual friend. She is a Christian, we talked last night, she encouraged me to pray and to Just take a leap of faith. This is after I told her that the Almighty has a way of working things out for me. Sometimes even better than what I had intended. He knows me, he knows whats best for me.
He foresaw our Breakup
Before my boyfriend ( a Jamaican man) and I broke up, I was entering it felt like, a state of depression. I couldn’t seem to get my self to be happy. To be happy was an effort. I hated pretending, but I felt I had to do it, mostly for him. Would you believe every time I needed that guy, he would turn his back on me. In hindsight, he wasn’t interested in me at all, just the idea of me. Having a woman from foreign to talk to. Gee Wiz. I was being used. Truth is I was using him too. I knew I was. Cause I wanted some one living in Jamaica to talk to. Funny. You know what he said to me recently. He said…in reference to a text message I sent him expressing my love….’ If I am pretending…I know you are not pretending’ I was so focused on the part of him knowing that I was being honest, that I didn’t even realize, he was telling me he wasn’t being real with me. The part that really kills me is….why on Jah green earth would he do this 30 days before I am about to see him again. We have been talking on the phone for 8 months….30 days before I arrive you pull out. I suppose I should look at it figuratively as well huh. Gross but true. I am thankful to the Almighty Jah, that I found out how he was now instead of later.
Any way I have some big plans for my visit, or my move to Jamaica. Everything is up in the air. My spiritual friend suggested I buy a new backpack, just for my trip, and just go with the flow. With the Almighty, all things are possible.
Some of my Rastafari Books
Well, I have recently finished my book on African-American Spirituality entitled ‘Rastafari’ get on amazon.com Its Jam packed with information. Great for anybody who wants to understand Rastafari, for the truth of it. Actually I wrote the book with the Jamaican black people in mind. I am currently writing a book of ‘Jah Jah Prayers’ and another book called ‘White Rastafari’ Well maybe I am burying my self in work so that I don’t think about that guy who just stopped calling me with no explanation. That’s life right. But the truth is I didn’t much appreciate his way of thinking. It was very different from mine. I am about cleanliness, the Rastafari way of thinking living and doing. He had more of a Babylonian mind; sleep with as many women as you can unprotected. I’m sorry but its true. The funny thing is, I know he is one of the better quality Jamaican men. LOL. Anyway I think I have talked enough. I love you all. thank you for listening.
New Book ‘Jah Prayers’ Jah Rastafari Prayers for life’s difficult times.
‘Jah Jah please help me to forgive. Please put your light into my heart that it may be unhardened. Jah you created, day and night, I know with you all things are possible.’
Jah causes the sun to rise and to set, a new day comes every 24 hours. With this new beginning day, he encourages us to release all that is no longer serving us, and make way for new opportunities, and experiences to come. In the light and love of the Almighty Jah, I allow forgiveness to fill my heart, with the rise of the new sun.